Ramblosaurus Rex

Why can't I constantly think up of something important to say? 

I know its probably humanly impossible. But that would be such a great gift. 

Especially to a writer with deadlines. Or someone who wants to be a writer but doesn't always have something to say. 

Maybe there is a way to constantly think up of something important. I think anything, any thought can potentially become important if we dwell on it for a long enough time. But that's difficult. Mainly because we get distracted easily, I guess. Distracted by the phone. By a noise outside your home. Distracted by a sudden discomfort in your posture. Or even distracted by the prose you just wrote. 

Getting distracted by what you just wrote is quite dangerous. You start to re-read and automatically start correcting errors, in spelling or grammar. You also start to rephrase sentences to make them sound better. You might have repeated the use of the same word too much, causing you to either check the thesaurus or  rephrase... strike that... modify the sentence completely. By the time you get back to where you were, you're either unsure of the quality of the piece you've just written or you're unable to move forward.

Which is where I am currently. I'm waiting for the next thought that could push this passage forward. I've given up on the quality of what I just wrote hoping that the rambling will be engaging enough to bring you to this point. Maybe I'm a bit too optimistic. You could have stopped reading a while ago. I've probably not said anything important enough nor have I made much of an effort to be a little funny at least. Yes, the "rephrase.. strike that.. modify" thing was an attempt at humour, but it was mostly only to humour me. I would consider this piece of writing a success if it drew out an involuntary snort from you, forget even a chuckle.

Okay. Enough of all the self-deprecation. I have obviously underestimated myself. I have reached paragraph number 4 fairly quickly and if you've continued to read up to this point, we should become best friends. Maybe not best friends, but I'll buy you a beer at least. Considering I've pushed my luck with you for a fair bit, its better to make best use of whatever attention you're giving me quickly. By coming to the main point of this passage. 

Which is... The importance of rambling and its effect on your writing skills? I don't know man. It mostly has no point but it could have a point if I can think of something else to write tomorrow. So until tomorrow... Thank you for your patience. Truly. Your reading this post completely is both a blessing and a gift to me. 

Cheers!

The final countdown

10..... 

I gaze at the slowly rotating ceiling fan. The imperfect ball bearings slightly squeaking everytime the bent fin passes the 9-o-clock position. 

9.....

I should increase the fan speed. That usually eliminates the squeaking. I glance at the fan switch.

8...

This requires me to get out of bed. Should I? Does the squeak actually bother me that much?

7...

The sound of a car swooshing past on the road outside distracts me. The roar of its engine is accompanied by the beat of a distinctly recognisable party-anthem that dopplers away with the car. I think I know this song.

6...

I try to remember the song. Its on my now-defunct gym playlist. I get distracted by the ceiling fan's squeak.

5...

I once again consider getting out of bed to reach for the fan switch. But that would make the room colder. I involuntarily pull my bedcover up to my chin.

4...

A mix of loud voices from multiple directions gain steam, as midnight approaches. Each of those set of voices yell with the conviction of getting the exact count to midnight correctly.

3...

I dwell on those voices, realising the squeak of the fan would be nothing compared to the cacophony of revelry that will follow for the next couple of hours.

2...

I hear what sounds like gunshots all around the city. But I realise they are nothing but rockets and firecrackers released a few seconds early.

1...

I sigh and sit up, reaching out to my bedside table for the one device that will provide me relief as I enter the next great year of my life.

0....

Amongst all the loud voices renting the night sky and startling the lone mongrel on the street, I audibly smirk as I point the device towards what looks like a bare patch on the opposite wall, and click the big red button. For a moment, I see myself reflected on a smooth surface. The next moment, a warm, red glow and a resounding hum fills my room.

Happy new year.

The story behind some books

So I had the good fortune of venturing on a short trip over the last weekend to Chennai and thereabouts. The 'thereabouts' bit of the journey included the requirement of taking a short train journey from the Chennai Central railway station early in the morning. I entered the station and realised that this station looks very much like the VT (CST) station in Mumbai and probably, since the Brits built it, would look like the King's Cross station in London as well.  My sleep-addled brain was wondering whether I should make the dumb old - "Should we check for Platform 9 and three-quarters... He he he.." joke to Nikhila and thankfully, she spotted something else before I made this eyeroll-worthy comment.

She spotted a book-store called Higginbotham's. If you're from South India and travelled a fair bit by train, you might have spotted this book-store at railway stations when you wanted to buy a Tinkle or Archies comic digest for the journey. However, this time, the name of the bookstore piqued my curiosity (the blatant 'British-ness' of it) instead of my usual yearning to read about Archie's latest antics. Therefore, I made a mental note to read about this bookstore and hopefully, blog about it if it had an interesting history.

So did it have an interesting history? Damn right it did!

Before we get to the story, let's get some of its milestones out of the way first :
India's oldest existing bookstore? - Yup. Since 1844.
Largest bookstore in India? - Yup, until the 1990s.
Did the first ever murder in a bookstore happen here? - Nope
So why did I mention the last milestone? - Because I didn't find any more 'milestones' and I wanted to list more than two milestones.

Okay sorry. Let's get to the story.

Higginbotham's was founded by a Brit called Higginbotham. Abel Joshua Higginbotham. Although it would have been fun if his first name was also Higginbotham. Higginbotham Higginbotham. Then the store would have been called Higginbothams' instead of Higginbotham's.

Lol.

Okay okay. Back to the story.

Abel was a librarian by profession and he reached India as a stowaway on a ship sometime in the early 1840s. He was apparently ejected by his ship's captain in the Madras port after he was discovered (He successfully hid all the way from England to Madras. That's some mad hiding skills). In Madras, he found employment as a librarian at a bookstore run by Protestant Missionaries called the Weslyan Book Store. The store only sold religious books and, not surprisingly, suffered heavy financial losses. Our man Abel then told them Protestant monks to chill while he bought the business from them for cheap. First thing he did was some rebranding and changed the name of the store to HIGGIN-FRICKIN-BOTHAM'S.

He also changed the business model of the store and started sourcing all kinds of books, not just religious ones but also the "ungodly" scientific textbooks and novels that were in demand. He slowly built a formidable collection of books and made a name for himself in the city. But his business got a real boost when John Murray, a popular British publisher, described the store as "the premier bookshop in Madras" in his Guidebook to the Presidencies of Madras and Bombay (1859). Another influencer recommendation that Abel could wrangle was from the Governor of Madras, Lord Trevelyan, who wrote to Lord Macaulay (he's the guy who forced English education on Indians and completely upended the existing education system) praising the store -
Among the many elusive and indescribable charms of life in Madras City, is the existence of my favourite book shop 'Higginbotham's' on Mount Road. In this bookshop I can see beautiful editions of the works of Socrates, Plato, Euripides, Aristophanes, Pindar, Horace, Petrarch, Tasso, Camoyens, Calderon and Racine. I can get the latest editions of Victor Hugo, the great French novelist. Amongst the German writers, I can have Schiller and Goethe. Altogether a delightful place for the casual browser and a serious book lover.
From <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Higginbotham%27s>

So, all in all, Abel ensured he developed a formidable reputation for his store and the company soon got into selling stationery, publishing and printing its own books. The first book they ever published was a cook-book called 'Sweet Dishes: A Little Treatise on Confectionary', essentially a guidebook for the local Brits to teach their Indian cooks how to make English dishes (The book is available on Amazon).

During his lifetime, his store played host to a lot of celebrities of that age including the Prince of Wales and was the unofficial printing partner for the British Raj in India. Abel was also made the Sherriff of Madras in 1888 and 1889. As he grew older, his son took over the business who expanded the business to Bangalore as well.

Higginbotham's grew from strength to strength in the early 20th century, and at one point, had 400 employees! 400! Imagine a bookstore employing so many people (This should have been part of my milestones list. *facepalm*). In the 1940s, it was taken over by an Indian company called Amalgamations Group but it was continued to be named after this stowaway librarian.

Higginbotham's currently runs around 22 outlets across South India. So next time you spot the store, you know what to do. Read my blog (Please).

Luna urf Mechta

My mission to write one post everyday almost hit a roadblock today because, well, mental block. I guess my day wasn't intriguing enough to inspire my inertia-ridden mind into vomiting thoughts that can dazzle and excite when read by you. But I did want to give it a shot. So I opened up my laptop to stare at my screen, willing topics to walk into my head and form sentences.

When that didn't happen, I flirted with the idea of writing a song. Song titles included "Twenty-twenty joy aplenty", "Get me some new funk" and an untitled 'un-worded' song that goes something like:

Dub Dub Budub Bub
Bub Dudub Budub
Bub Dudub Budub Bub
Bubbidy Dub Budub.

As much potential as this song had, I felt that I should write something less ambitious today. I then remembered those memes on the internet that started correlating the 1920s to the 2020s and wondered what happened a 100 years ago on Jan 2, 1920. So I wikied that shit up and found out that something called the 'Red Scare' was happening in the United States and their Government was rounding up scary communists (suspected) from different parts of the country. Obviously, that topic depressed the shit out of me, so I decided - F*** the year, lets just look at what happened on Jan 2nd, through the ages. And that brings me to Luna!

On 2 January 1959, Luna (or Luna 1) was launched by the Russians and eventually became the first man-made satellite to reach the vicinity of the moon and orbit the Sun. Being an astronomy nut, this little nugget of information caught my eye and a few search tabs later, I discovered a neat little story about this satellite that I can share with you. I will try to not get too technical with this topic because - a) I wouldn't understand it myself and b) It would be take me too long to write and I have a flight to catch in a bit.

So, Luna was a spherical, antenna-ridden gizmo that weighed about 361 kilograms. It had a bunch of sensors to measure cosmic radiation, magnetic fields of the earth & the moon, meteoric particles in space and a bunch of other things I don't really understand. It also had this pocket in it filled with Sodium gas, which was released once she attained escape velocity. This gas formed a trail behind Luna glowing orange in the twilight, so that other astronomers around the world could trace her path.  Luna did not have any thrusters, so she could not control her speed or direction after the last booster detached from it. Hence, NASA guesses (Russia shrouded her mission objectives with an air of mystery like only Russia could) that the eventual fate of Luna was to crash down on the surface of the moon. But fate had other plans for her.

During those days, satellite commands were apparently not pre-programmed but sent via signals from Earth at different intervals. One such command was to stop a rocket booster in time so that Luna could reduce her speed and get into the orbit around the moon. But allegedly, there was a delay in relaying this signal and this gave Luna an extra 175 miles/second that led to her overshooting her orbit around the Moon. She did pass by the moon but at a distance of 5995 kilometres (3725 miles).

While this was undoubtedly a disappointment, it led to a new milestone for man-made spacecrafts. Rather than following a moon-centric orbit, Luna ended up in a helio-centric orbit - that is, an orbit around the Sun - making her the first human-made object to reach a helio-centric orbit. In light of this unexpected achievement, this satellite was given a new name - Mechta - Russian for 'Planet', by a scientific writer from the Soviet called Alexander Kazantsev (Read his complete statement here for a good dose of socialist nationalism). So Mechta was tracked for a couple of more days by the Soviets until her battery ran out and now, I guess Mechta is drifting a lonely path around the solar system.

Here comes the plot twist though - there are a fair few who doubt if this mission was actually successful. One guy even wrote that Luna 1 wasn't a successful mission. Some Western astronauts even claimed that they tried capturing Luna's signals during her mission, but were unable to do so. The Russians however ignored all of this and even issued commemorative stamps in Luna/Mechta's honour. I, for one, truly hope that Luna/Mechta's story is indeed true and one day, some Asimov-esque AI-powered spacebot will find her drifting blissfully in the dark ocean of space.

Oh, and speaking of Isaac Asimov, he was born on January 2, 1920.

The Two Popes (2019) - Movie review

Director: Fernando Meirelles

Screenplay: Anthony McCarten

Primary cast: Anthony Hopkins, Jonathan Pryce

Production: Netflix

Runtime: 2 hours, 5 minutes

This movie might've been an odd choice to start off 2020 with. We just cooked lunch and were scrolling through Netflix's bountiful offering of content when Nikhila's eyes fell on this movie. We had watched the trailer earlier and were mildly intrigued, mainly because of Mr. Hopkins - he has a charisma that is magnetic, a voice that is captivating and a demeanour that is mesmerising. So when Nikhila suggested if I wanted to watch this, I said yes before (as it often happens while browsing Netflix) I could change my own mind.

The movie, an adaptation of a play written by Anthony McCarten, mainly dwells on conversations between the conservative Pope Benedict (Hopkins) and the liberal future Pope Francis (Pryce). Inspired by true events, the movie is a documentation of the conversations between these two gentlemen over the years, starting from the brief washroom chat they have before Pope Benedict was elected the Big Daddy of all Catholics back in 2005 to the time Francis gets the Hat in 2013. The movie touches upon the controversies that plagued (plagues) the Catholic church including sexual abuse of minors, corruption in the Vatican Bank and how the Church's conservatism was driving more and more of the 'flock' away.

If you were expecting a movie that takes you through a web of Vatican politics, backstabbing, conspiracies and dramatic confrontations, you will be disappointed. This movie almost seems like it has been sponsored by the Catholic church, justifying its shift from a strict orthodoxy to, well, a slightly palatable unorthodoxy. Don't get me wrong, the scenes between Anthony Hopkins and Jonathan Pryce are really fun to watch. The dialogues are engaging and Meirelles ensured both men flexed their brand of acting chops liberally. There are moments of unexpected humour that bring a smile to your face (don't miss the end credits) and successfully ensures that a conversation between two old men does not become dreary and monotonous. A lot of credit lies with both the directors and the actors for this. But the flashback scenes showcasing Pope Francis's Argentinian past somehow did not do a good job of translating the emotional heft that was expected from a story like that and I must confess, I was almost nodding off during this part (although the cause for this could also be the hearty lunch I just had).

All in all, this is exactly the kind of movie you would want to watch on a lazy afternoon. Its beauty lies in its simplicity and in the effortless performances of the primary cast. Watch it for the acting, there is no other message to take home from this movie.

Q.

I remember the long queue. The endless wait which ended ultimately. The sweaty armpits of the 'uncle' in front, which I imagined to stink worse than whatever I was smelling at that point of time. The yells and pushes of the people in the back. If I remember correctly, which I don't, I was in the queue for at least an hour. You are always made to wait before you approach divinity.

The euphoria surrounding worship has a life of its own. It ebbs or deflates within seconds. It doesn't matter how many people are part of the crowd. Everybody yells at the same time and hush to silence at the same time as well. As if all our voices are controlled by some invisible volume control device. And sometimes, this device has an in-built 'riot-mode' switch, but that's another story. 

This tale is not riotous, in fact, violence was far from it. This is a tale of a pilgrimage taken by me, along with a huge number of devotees. Must have been thousands of them. All of them, like me, waited with patience and impatience.. the impatience being clinically eliminated by the brave kakhi-clad, lathi swinging peacekeepers of our society. May God bless them. 

You can almost taste the tension in the air when the queue starts to move, even if it does for 5 seconds. There's a sudden surge in oxygen levels around you and for half - a - second you just stand there breathing deeply before you get pushed forward. This 5-second locomotion is a chutney of loud murmurs, random yells, falling water bottles and babies bawling. Babies! Who gets them to crowded places like this? They're bound to get irritated. I understand that an early exposure to divinity does help mould character (and all), but not at the cost of both the parents' and the kid's peace of mind! I was mainly worried that the baby behind me would throw up on me. Not that I've seen any baby throw up before, but weirdly, that was my principal worry. 

As the minutes passed by, we inched closer to the PASSAGE. The excitement levels gradually increased again. You could just sense it, feel your skin tingling in anticipation. People start to push harder and you try your best to hold your ground thinking I'm not going to get bossed by the two thousand people behind me waiting for Darshan. At moments like these, you realize you're going to make it through. You will be a happier person to know that you are not at the end of the queue anymore. You've made it to the Middle. And by God, nobody can take that away from you.

By being in the Middle of the queue, you are now part of a process you cannot leave. You will see to it that you reach the end. Nothing can tempt you from getting out. That is because you BELONG. Nobody can take your place and the people behind you will ensure that. They have your back. 

As we moved further, we could hear His name being chanted repeatedly. Thousands of people chanting His name at once! People standing on their toes, as we moved closer to the Passage, try in vain to get His glimpse. You know its useless but you try to get a glimpse too, almost losing your footing and risking your spot in the line. Try as hard as you can, but you just cannot deny that wave of euphoria engulfing you in all that noise. You feel charged with energy. An energy being conducted by a gigantic mass of people. And then you say to yourself, this is religion. 

It is something we all feel only when we are together, doing the same thing and waiting for the same spectacle. You cannot feel its glory on your own, its sway over our senses cannot be experienced in solitude. Religion is hard-core mass bro! 

And then you enter the Passage. The final few steps before you enter the Sanctum Sanctorum. Everything is hushed in the passage. If you really listen, you would know that the din hasn't subsided. But at this moment, everything is silent. Almost as if your ears are blocked and your senses are numbed. You do not know what to expect when you leave the Passage but you know you are getting off the queue soon. There is no Time in the Passage. You never know how long you spent waiting in the Passage. All that you know is that you are no longer part of a queue. You have left everything. Everything is nothing. Nothing is everything. The wait is almost over. Just a few more steps...

I hardly sit down in my seat with my beverage and there is a thunder-like rumbling all around as everybody gets off their seats and roars. He is walking in. He is finally walking in. We do not notice the swagger He deserves to display after a 100 centuries, but there He is. He reaches his spot and looks around quietly while thousands erupt in joyous abandon, excitement surging through every vein. They chant His name repeatedly. I do the same. You just can't stop yourself. You are one of them. 

As I plop back onto my seat, keeping my eyes on the score, I cannot but wonder - "Does God maketh the man, or does man maketh the God?" Well, my friends... now THAT is the Q. 

A Man Who Saw The Future (Fiction)

- an interview with Arthur Fjord

Founder – CEO, Futureman Inc.

Q. You have been asked a million questions before, and we’re sure you will be asked a million more. It certainly is difficult to remain in the centre of what seems to be like a media, political, religious and scientific hailstorm of controversies.

A: (laughs) I certainly seem to be having a unique problem, especially when I’m involved in both a religious AND a scientific controversy. I seem to have achieved the impossible already.

Q. But doesn’t it affect you? It must be a difficult task handling an organisation as big as yours while also answering this incessant downpour of questions daily. Or were you expecting your complicated concept to attract this kind of attention?

A: I believe everybody has understood the ‘complicated concept’, as you put it, completely. I believe the concept is not complicated at all. It is just difficult for some to accept it. A success story, however, always attracts attention. Now the kind of attention we get is not something we can control. But like they say, there’s no publicity called bad publicity. I could also be bold enough to suggest that all the attention has helped us grow bigger.

Q. You mean to say that you do not mind the controversies?

A: I do not understand why people term what we do to be controversial. We have been constantly delivering what we have promised to our investors and we will continue to do so. A lot of people do not accept what we do because it is something that hasn’t been done before. They term our dreams and our investors’ dreams to be outlandish and impossible, and it may be true. I do not know. But I do believe in the power and ingenuity of the human mind. The human race has always been achieving the impossible throughout history. I believe we are investing in our own capabilities as a race.

Q. A lot of people still believe that you are scamming and making a fool of your 2 billion investors while the company makes bigger and larger profits everyday

A: Firstly, I do not think it is possible to fool so may people. And we certainly have no intention of doing so. Secondly, all our dealings are open. Every person who invests in Futureman Inc., is a part – owner of the company. My own investment in Futureman is 5 dollars like everybody else. We make more money because we also invest this money like any other financial company does, in stocks, real estate, etc., and we use the best financial brains to do so. We are very careful with our investments because we have guaranteed a future return to each and everyone who believes in us, however distant the future is. Our biggest challenge is to see that our company never ceases to exist. And this is something our investors want too.

Q. A recent poll showed that almost 80% of your investors do not believe that time travel is possible, and yet, like all others, they have invested 5 dollars in your company. Why do you think this is the case?

A. Didn’t the poll ask them why they have invested their 5 dollars? In Futureman, I do agree that we all believe Time Travel will be possible in future, and yes, there will be a day when you could go to whichever year you want to in future and retrieve your money, with interest, whether it is 10 years, 100 years or even 1000 years into the future. Even though the 80% do not have faith in what we are proposing, they have invested in us because of our clause that in case of any inability to travel to the future, the investment becomes a life insurance policy. You may never see your money but after your death, your principal amount with interest will be transferred to your children or dependants or whomever you choose to receive it. Also, the profits we earn are constantly being used to make this world a better place for everyone. We have programmes to educate children from low income groups, build hospitals and old age homes, help governments in building infrastructure, and also research ways and means to make this world a safer, greener and happy place for everyone to live. To deliver what we promise, we need to ensure two things: Firstly, Futureman Inc should always exist and secondly, there should be a world with people to exist anytime in the future. You do not want to travel to a distant future and find out that the world as we know it does not exist anymore. The whole company is founded on the principle that the human race will never cease to survive and will always work to do what is good for itself and the planet.

Q. So one can say Futureman Inc is ensuring the survival and prosperity of the human race?

A. The 2 billion people who invested in us say it. They believe we are doing a good job, they trust us. But what a lot of Futureman’s critics do not understand is that these 2 billion people trust the ability and ingenuity of the human race. They have invested in each other. They have invested in a future that will be decided by them. At Futureman, we believe that we are building a better world for our children as well as for our own future. We are inspiring people to believe in the impossible and to show, time and again, that we can achieve it. Our work has given confidence to a large number of people who willingly donate enormous sums of money for various welfare projects. This shows that a lot of people believe we are doing good for our fellow human beings and for our beautiful planet. We are constantly encouraged by this alone. We do not let our detractors to get into our heads for this reason alone.

Q. You have compared yourself with religious institutions previously. Do you.. ?

A. (interrupts) I have never, and will never ever compare Futureman Inc with any religious institutions. All I have talked about is faith. I have used religion as an analogy to explain what I meant by faith.

Q. What do you mean exactly?

A. I do not consider myself to be well – versed with science or religion, but all I believe in is the power of faith in something and how that inspires you to actually achieve the impossible. Every religion talks about a faith in a Supreme Being, or a Force, or God, who is infinitely capable beyond dreaming. Worshipping God and believing in Him inspires confidence and joy in millions, even though we never see Him. This faith inspires people to ensure that the institutions that safeguard the sanctity and interests of the religion always exist. And thus, they all invest in the religion though their time, money or even by celebrating festivals. At Futureman, we ask people to have faith in each other. To have faith in the infinite power of our imaginations, ingenuity and resolve to make life better for each other. We may never be able to see God, but we see each other everyday. Throughout history, man has been performing miracles which have constantly improved the way we live. We have never ceased to amaze each other. We have never stopped dreaming and we should never stop dreaming. If the caveman could be transported to our time, he will definitely think we are Gods. It is truly heartening to see that 2 billion people believe in a better future. They all want to see their children happier and we want to ensure that we provide them with what they want. And we have already begun to do so. Your children are receiving the fruits of your investment after your death. Your family receives blessings from Above for your faith in religion, but your family will definitely receive tangible returns because of your faith in us, and by us, we mean each other.

Q. If there is one thing you would want to say to the world, what would it be?

A. All I would want to say is that the biggest insurance for the survival and prosperity of the human race is each other. We are capable of achieving the extraordinary and it is only by having faith towards this capability that we can ensure the betterment of the world we live in. I would definitely wish to see a world where everybody trusts their fellow human beings and encourage their pursuits, however extraordinary it may seem. If I ever get to travel through time to the future, I would want to see a world where we respect, love and trust one another.