I remember the long queue. The endless wait which ended ultimately. The sweaty armpits of the 'uncle' in front, which I imagined to stink worse than whatever I was smelling at that point of time. The yells and pushes of the people in the back. If I remember correctly, which I don't, I was in the queue for at least an hour. You are always made to wait before you approach divinity.
The euphoria surrounding worship has a life of its own. It ebbs or deflates within seconds. It doesn't matter how many people are part of the crowd. Everybody yells at the same time and hush to silence at the same time as well. As if all our voices are controlled by some invisible volume control device. And sometimes, this device has an in-built 'riot-mode' switch, but that's another story.
This tale is not riotous, in fact, violence was far from it. This is a tale of a pilgrimage taken by me, along with a huge number of devotees. Must have been thousands of them. All of them, like me, waited with patience and impatience.. the impatience being clinically eliminated by the brave kakhi-clad, lathi swinging peacekeepers of our society. May God bless them.
You can almost taste the tension in the air when the queue starts to move, even if it does for 5 seconds. There's a sudden surge in oxygen levels around you and for half - a - second you just stand there breathing deeply before you get pushed forward. This 5-second locomotion is a chutney of loud murmurs, random yells, falling water bottles and babies bawling. Babies! Who gets them to crowded places like this? They're bound to get irritated. I understand that an early exposure to divinity does help mould character (and all), but not at the cost of both the parents' and the kid's peace of mind! I was mainly worried that the baby behind me would throw up on me. Not that I've seen any baby throw up before, but weirdly, that was my principal worry.
As the minutes passed by, we inched closer to the PASSAGE. The excitement levels gradually increased again. You could just sense it, feel your skin tingling in anticipation. People start to push harder and you try your best to hold your ground thinking I'm not going to get bossed by the two thousand people behind me waiting for Darshan. At moments like these, you realize you're going to make it through. You will be a happier person to know that you are not at the end of the queue anymore. You've made it to the Middle. And by God, nobody can take that away from you.
By being in the Middle of the queue, you are now part of a process you cannot leave. You will see to it that you reach the end. Nothing can tempt you from getting out. That is because you BELONG. Nobody can take your place and the people behind you will ensure that. They have your back.
As we moved further, we could hear His name being chanted repeatedly. Thousands of people chanting His name at once! People standing on their toes, as we moved closer to the Passage, try in vain to get His glimpse. You know its useless but you try to get a glimpse too, almost losing your footing and risking your spot in the line. Try as hard as you can, but you just cannot deny that wave of euphoria engulfing you in all that noise. You feel charged with energy. An energy being conducted by a gigantic mass of people. And then you say to yourself, this is religion.
It is something we all feel only when we are together, doing the same thing and waiting for the same spectacle. You cannot feel its glory on your own, its sway over our senses cannot be experienced in solitude. Religion is hard-core mass bro!
And then you enter the Passage. The final few steps before you enter the Sanctum Sanctorum. Everything is hushed in the passage. If you really listen, you would know that the din hasn't subsided. But at this moment, everything is silent. Almost as if your ears are blocked and your senses are numbed. You do not know what to expect when you leave the Passage but you know you are getting off the queue soon. There is no Time in the Passage. You never know how long you spent waiting in the Passage. All that you know is that you are no longer part of a queue. You have left everything. Everything is nothing. Nothing is everything. The wait is almost over. Just a few more steps...
I hardly sit down in my seat with my beverage and there is a thunder-like rumbling all around as everybody gets off their seats and roars. He is walking in. He is finally walking in. We do not notice the swagger He deserves to display after a 100 centuries, but there He is. He reaches his spot and looks around quietly while thousands erupt in joyous abandon, excitement surging through every vein. They chant His name repeatedly. I do the same. You just can't stop yourself. You are one of them.
As I plop back onto my seat, keeping my eyes on the score, I cannot but wonder - "Does God maketh the man, or does man maketh the God?" Well, my friends... now THAT is the Q.
